Let me put my two cents in. In this discussion one should differentiate between social dance and competitive dance.
When I social dance and I get a complement you are a good strong leader or something of that sort, I know I was over-leading, pushing and shoving. However, as there is no set chorography in social dance, the lead has to be more definite, even with ladies who are good followers.
I knew one social dance teacher who actually demonstrated forceful how to shove the lady-partner around. But, she could teach almost anyone, who never danced, walking in from the street to the studio, in 6 weeks, actually dance, not well, but following the rhythm of the music and not stepping on the partners feet.
Of course when it comes to competitive dancing big force is a no-no. The judges immediately see that and downgrade such couple, and they look at them negatively as well if a couple does the opposite, which happens often in pro-am competitions that the male-student is not leading, but waits for the pro-lady to lead.
The leader must initiate the move and the follower, as Brian Watson tells us in one of his video instruction, hopefully decides to join me in the move.
There is a special harmony when the man initiates and the lady follows arriving at the same time. Of course, there are special instances when the man follows her lead. After all, the idea is dancing together.